28/02/2014

Beat Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

I have anorexiaThose are the hardest words to get out but it's the first step in the right direction. I first uttered those words to Michael around our 1st anniversary, after I realised that I wanted to have children with him (before I didn't want marriage or children). Now, I have had an eating disorder for 9 years and I am still struggling with it. Every. Single. Day. The difference is that for the last 3 1/2 years I have had Michael's full support, adoration and encouragement. Without him I wouldn't be writing this today. Opening up to someone, anyone, can make the world of difference, you might not get better but you know someone knows what's really going on when your silently calculating calories in your head. The thing is (and I know I'm lucky) Michael understands me, he knows when there's literally too much on my plate, or how I'm going to feel after someone has made an insensitive comment.
It's not okay for dogs so why is it okay for us? source.
I had a pretty awful childhood. This is where anorexia started for me, then it gradually grew until I managed to get myself M.E. I lost all control over my life and that's when my weight and health just plummeted, but nobody knew because I said it was just the M.E. So, when I'd had M.E for 2 years and an eating disorder for 6 1/2 I told my O.T who sent me to counselling for all of my problems where I had a terrible experience. When I turned 18 I was refered to an Anorexia clinic, but they'd never dealt with someone with an eating disorder that also had M.E and a lot of childhood issues. Eventually I couldn't make it to the clinic anymore and they discharged me, whilst there I had been eating more just to try to get it over and done with. When you have an eating disorder you will do crazy things. I still do crazy things, but I now have someone to hold my hand and give me a reason to live. Sometimes I just think of what anorexia nervosa can do to someone, not just outside but inside and that's what stops me from eating nothing. The fact that I don't have periods unless I'm on contraceptives scares the crap out of me. But, I am determined to be a mother and will survive this, hand in hand.

For support, advice, inspiration and information go to Beat.
If any of you who read this want to chat you can find my email in my about me page. I'll do my best to help :)

No comments:

Post a Comment