I am extremely proud of my successful relationship but i know that there are many of you out there who have had very bad luck in the relationship department. So, i thought i would do a little post of tips for having M.E. in a romantic relationship and holding on to that special someone. Let me tell you, me and Michael haven't always been so great and we've had our troubles but we managed to sort them all out, now we're so so so much stronger. Want to get started?
- Most important of all, talk. For crying out loud, this fixes so much! I can't tell you how much of a difference this made. For the first 9 months of being together i didn't tell Michael anything, not when he'd pissed me off or when something had upset me, and it didn't end well. I'm still not the best at talking but i'm working on it and we're all the better for it.
- You don't have to be doing the same thing together all the damn time. I used to make myself feel worse because i always wanted to be doing something with him even when i was dead on my feet. Now, we're like a little old couple and sit in companionship. Michael will sit there playing all his little geeky game while i snuggle up to his side and either read my book/kindle or watch him (because i may be a geek too...).
- Don't feel bad when you can't get up and get dressed. I am so guilty of this. Michael gets dressed and does his hair and that's it i want to have a wash, wash my hair, wash my face, put makeup on, get dressed, the lot. Not happening. I have a wash once a week, wash my hair once a week, get dressed some days, wash my face when i have a spare spoon and the same with makeup. So, why do i suddenly feel the need to do all these things at once? I want to look good for him, that's why. But, he still calls me beautiful when my hair looks wet it's so greasy and i'm covered in sweat. They love us for us and if they don't then they're not worth it.
- Remember that they want to be there. I know from other people's experiences that if they don't want to be there they wouldn't. Who would want to take someone to the toilet who they don't love?! Crazy right?
- Make time for the little romantic things.Yes, it might use up a fair few spoons but isn't keeping your relationship going worth it? Here are a few spoonie-friendly ideas: grab some popcorn and watch a movie, if you can make a meal together (you can do the easy bits), play a board game, just put on some music and have a good ol' chin wag, ask him/her to give you a massage, light some candles with your dinner, go sit in the garden for a bit and just hold hands.
- Tell your other half how you want to be treated. We might be ill but we still want to feel like a princess, even if it is Sleeping Beauty. Michael was so focused on caring for me that we ended up losing the little things, so i told him that even though i was ill we can still do little things to make each other feel special. Now, i don't just feel like a 'poorly person' but like i'm special to someone.
- Trust. There has to be trust. At the beginnning of our relationship Michael was [a nice way of putting it] a 'ladies man'. His childhood wasn't great either (we're just more determined to be amazing parents!) so he loved the attention from all the girls. Which doesn't make you feel better when you can't get dressed properly or put any make up on, and there's all these girls that are fawning over your boyfriend. I talked to Michael (well, maybe a little growling went on) but i left it too late and he'd got very cocky. In the end i gave him an ultimatum but i would avoid this at any costs by doing point number 1, talking! After this it took a while for me to trust him again but we've worked through it. He accepts that sometimes i worry because of how bad i feel and i know that he loves me utterly and completely (sticks finger down throat). I'm his only and that's that.
- And here's Michael's... 'Don't be a dick'. Aren't i lucky?