16/05/2014

M.E. Awareness Week: Relationships.

written by Laura.
I am extremely proud of my successful relationship but i know that there are many of you out there who have had very bad luck in the relationship department. So, i thought i would do a little post of tips for having M.E. in a romantic relationship and holding on to that special someone. Let me tell you, me and Michael haven't always been so great and we've had our troubles but we managed to sort them all out, now we're so so so much stronger. Want to get started?

First, i'll give you a little background to our relationship. I got M.E. in September 2009 (around my 16th Birthday) whilst this was also the month that me and Michael became an item (after months of swooning over him!). Although, i'd just been told i had M.E and he was only 15 he didn't back off or run away. Then in September 2011, he just started an apprenticeship and i became housebound, he officially moved in which was awesome. After Christmas 2012, when i became bedbound, we decided that Michael would need to become my full time carer. Not how we expected things to but, at least we get to be together 24/7. And now, we're number 1 on the housing waiting list! Exciting right? Anyway, here goes...

  1. Most important of all, talk. For crying out loud, this fixes so much! I can't tell you how much of a difference this made. For the first 9 months of being together i didn't tell Michael anything, not when he'd pissed me off or when something had upset me, and it didn't end well. I'm still not the best at talking but i'm working on it and we're all the better for it.
  2. You don't have to be doing the same thing together all the damn time. I used to make myself feel worse because i always wanted to be doing something with him even when i was dead on my feet. Now, we're like a little old couple and sit in companionship. Michael will sit there playing all his little geeky game while i snuggle up to his side and either read my book/kindle or watch him (because i may be a geek too...). 
  3. Don't feel bad when you can't get up and get dressed. I am so guilty of this. Michael gets dressed and does his hair and that's it i want to have a wash, wash my hair, wash my face, put makeup on, get dressed, the lot. Not happening. I have a wash once a week, wash my hair once a week, get dressed some days, wash my face when i have a spare spoon and the same with makeup. So, why do i suddenly feel the need to do all these things at once? I want to look good for him, that's why. But, he still calls me beautiful when my hair looks wet it's so greasy and i'm covered in sweat. They love us for us and if they don't then they're not worth it.
  4. Remember that they want to be there. I know from other people's experiences that if they don't want to be there they wouldn't. Who would want to take someone to the toilet who they don't love?! Crazy right?
  5. Make time for the little romantic things.Yes, it might use up a fair few spoons but isn't keeping your relationship going worth it? Here are a few spoonie-friendly ideas: grab some popcorn and watch a movie, if you can make a meal together (you can do the easy bits), play a board game, just put on some music and have a good ol' chin wag, ask him/her to give you a massage, light some candles with your dinner, go sit in the garden for a bit and just hold hands.
  6. Tell your other half how you want to be treated. We might be ill but we still want to feel like a princess, even if it is Sleeping Beauty. Michael was so focused on caring for me that we ended up losing the little things, so i told him that even though i was ill we can still do little things to make each other feel special. Now, i don't just feel like a 'poorly person' but like i'm special to someone.
  7. Trust. There has to be trust. At the beginnning of our relationship Michael was [a nice way of putting it] a 'ladies man'. His childhood wasn't great either (we're just more determined to be amazing parents!) so he loved the attention from all the girls. Which doesn't make you feel better when you can't get dressed properly or put any make up on, and there's all these girls that are fawning over your boyfriend. I talked to Michael (well, maybe a little growling went on) but i left it too late and he'd got very cocky. In the end i gave him an ultimatum but i would avoid this at any costs by doing point number 1, talking! After this it took a while for me to trust him again but we've worked through it. He accepts that sometimes i worry because of how bad i feel and i know that he loves me utterly and completely (sticks finger down throat). I'm his only and that's that.
  8. And here's Michael's... 'Don't be a dick'. Aren't i lucky?
I hope this helps you in some way. I don't want to rub it in people's faces, i know i'm lucky. But, i wanted to help any of you out there that are in a relationship and maybe struggle a bit with it along side M.E. Spoonie hugs to you all :)

2 comments:

  1. You are both adorable and your love for each other is so clear to see! I see a lot of your relationship in my own (my bf doesn't like me posting too much about him though, he's quite shy!) but we are SO lucky to have such amazing, caring men who love us for being us, and who look after us when we feel so bad. Having a good relationship when you're ill does have its challenges but it's all about compromise. I always say when things are particularly tough that this won't be forever, and once I'm well enough we have all the time to make up for the things we have missed out on doing :)
    Such a cute post, all the best to you both you cuties!

    x Hayley-Eszti | www.hayleyeszti.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you very much :) Oh, I just post it and then get him to read it ;) We're just trying to do things despite M.E., we're getting married next year (though not engaged yet, we have to plan with M.E.) and we've decided that we'll have children and do it with M.E if we have to, it's been done before. And if we wait until we're better that might never come and we would have missed out on so much! I'm so happy you have someone by your side and by everything you have said he sounds like a keeper :) Good luck! Love x

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